hanuzahs

2007-04-01T07:26:00.000-07:00

here i lay in my pain
take me away
cause i dont want u to see me this way
cause i kno ure in no pain

dun bother about me
am alive no more
to you and to me
my soul is now dead

just let myself cry to sleep

2007-04-01T07:07:00.000-07:00

matt goss
its the end of the road

yesterday a clear horizon
now the clouds are rollin in it disappeared
the on thing that ive always believed in
its strange,now,right now, it all seems so unclear
i consult my soul
and it tells me that it knows
thers no doubt
one day im gona fly
gotta stand up
dust myself off
just for now

its the end of the road
when somethin ends,something begins
for now its jus the end of the road
when someone loses, someone wins
for now its jus the end of the road
dont get to fix it if it doesnt break
for now its jus the end of the road
when u gotta leave,it makes u wana stay
i know, its the end of the road
its the end of the road

one line can change a story
so sometimes let the line jus b unsaid
pride only thiinks about the glory
and just the right now and not the day ahead
ive held my breath
walked on shells, hoped for the best
what the future holds,i dun kno
ive gotta stand up
dust myself off
just for now

ive been travelling
get the dust right off the windshield
no one gets the road map og their life
cause life is so subjective
i think my pain, and i wana protect it
never blinds me, always reminds me
thers so much more to see

at the end of the road
something ends,something begins
is this the end of the road?
when someone loses,someone wins
oh, its the end of the road
it feels good jus to let go

2007-04-01T06:57:00.000-07:00

i jus couldnt read u anymore. not knowing what u'd say but i think things are clearer now.thers no way for u to love me again like we use to. even then it wasnt real. so how would u know the meaning of real love? can u show? u gav me false hope n i fell deep into the trap. thers no way out for me. blockage here n ther. how to? i ask. no answer came. and here i lay stuck, trapped in the atmosphere. somebody throw me a rope for me to climb.thought the energy draining out of me. as the days pass, i grow weaker and weaker. just like the way i said i would shed. whats left would be my remains. unknown to many. how i felt. slowly in silence, i disappear. just the way ur love fer me died. dun pretend. it was a lie. a lie.

in silence i break down,
the poison i take,
just to heal your pain.

written on 01 feb

2007-04-01T06:50:00.000-07:00

the moments i treasure. my wish will never come true but one wish really is for u to be happy.no matter how much pain i have to go through. only then will i learn the true meaning of love and that is through you. wouldnt it be nice. if only i could hold u n call u the way we use to. but now i cant even hold u close to me. like we used to. maybe u were jus not mine. maybe we dont belong together bt why am i in pain? why am i still missing u? why is it hard for me to let go? after evrything. you make me tear, but still i love u. i know u love other, but i still love u. i dont kno why.here i break down alone in silence.

puffs i took to blow u away,
but the stronger wind,
blows it back into my face,
u dont need to kno what i do,
cos i dun matter to you.

takkan ada cinta,
seperti yang dulu.

2007-04-01T06:45:00.000-07:00

yesterday i was sick.it was indeed real,but the tears that came were not from the headache but the heartache. i couldnt stand it any longer but for u i'll take the pain. no use showing u my tears and my pain cos it wont change a thing. all i can do was to pretend but i kno im no good at it. others could tell how i feel. if only i could mask all my pain in me jus for u. i dont want to hold u back. i wana let u go. but do u kno how hard was it. remembering all our memories. mayb that was how u felt for her.

2007-04-01T06:40:00.000-07:00

they dont kno.he doesnt kno.she doesnt kno.only i know.for what trully lies in me.for the pain that overwhelmed me.for the enerfy taken away.the irreplaceble i thought. i ask for him to follow his heart. for he i step back, to watch him smile. the heart aches through sounds what more through sights. patience holds me back. and strength kept me strong. for the happiness i wan him to be in. i leave the heavens light to enter the darkness gloom. in the dark the pain soar. for only i know.what it really takes. only i know.

2007-04-01T06:34:00.000-07:00

he gave me the love i wanted.he held me ther. but it wasnt fer long. only to my realization dhat he was jus passing by. a guy who needs a wall to lean on. ther i was, being the wall. the strong wall that would never collapsed. the wall that would always be ther wen he returns. since then, engraved on the wall,his love, a cemented spot. the spot that made him feel like on cloud nine. but again all that was for awhile.for she, the wall could no longer be in denial. for his love was not true. for he was only passing by. before he returns to wher he belongs. for ther she stood; the wall. watching him walk away into the hands of another. for the pain she cant bear. tears she shed in silence.

2007-04-01T06:27:00.000-07:00

you see me smile. you see me laugh. you see happiness all around. you see no tear in my eyes. but what u dun see is the girl deep down in me. deprieve of someone. she who seeks his love but it was unreturned. he who turned away from her. all the fiesty was a lie. a lie she kept to herself. a play she acted for all. for she tries not to show her true oneself. as she forbids the sadness overwhelming. only god know the pain she's in. only god knows.

2007-04-01T06:23:00.000-07:00

those were the happy times we had.the smile,the laughter and all the love the world had for us. the love we had for each other.the happy moments we shared. but all this was for awhile. a place to be taken away. and may u be happy together with ur loved one. here i tear my heart apart for u to be happy. for u to chase ur dream girl. but here i lay jus watching over u. if only i could be ur guardian angel. seeing u happy relieves me but still it aches for a reason i could not stop. the unstoppable love...

2007-04-01T06:18:00.001-07:00

for whats gone i have to learn to let go.
to have loved him.
i learn to cherish for whats all left between us.
only tears and memories shared.
for that i'll survive on.
for that i rely on,
to the heartbreaking misses i have for u.
all but acceptance,
only to reminisc the past we've been through.
for u i hide my pain.
for u i hide my tears.
jus for u i put that smile on
and let the laughter out.
but deep down,
only i kno.
for that love of mine,
i slowly shed.

2007-04-01T06:18:00.000-07:00

2007-04-01T06:15:00.000-07:00

COINCIDENCE
the horoscope of the month january says...

aquarius(jan 20-feb 18)
you might have to make a life-changing decision

love:
the nostalgia of a love lost might overwhelm u

see! it's unbelievable but yeah. it's happening.what great coincidence when u choose not to believe. why me of the many aquarians.

2007-04-01T06:09:00.000-07:00

as the rain came pouring
i sat thinking of u
there i went pondering
what went wrong between me n u

teh heavier the rain poured
the harder my heart soared
it never leaves my mind
but i just cant whine

in silent i break down
not wanting u to kno dat im doown
never did i frown
but sadness push me down

for u the one i miss
for ur absence i feel
never can i be piss
but my heart to reel

2007-04-01T06:00:00.000-07:00

he may not be the one idream of all thee while but at least he makes me smile and no matter how hurt i feel, i dont want hi to know how hurt i feel. i dont want him to kno whats real, cause that'll only change to whatever ther be,he's so special;special to me.even though he flirts and makes me cry,i'll never let him see me die.never will i mix my life with this but he's the one,the one i miss. there goes for more pretending but that's okay,i'll make him happy'i wont say. i wont say im sad or im in pain,i'll make him happy and i'll stop the rain.i want him to know , i love him so,but if he declines that's fine. i'll jus go and utter this line.dear god i love him so much but he couldnt see. please protect him even if he hurts me. for u i'll take the bullet through,i'll bring the world jus for u. so take care my love, i'll only care. when ure down, i'll be there

poem by: maryam sakeenah
she gave me this

2007-04-01T05:50:00.000-07:00

finally its over but not so fast. the tear in my heart is still wide open.unstitched. i thought i could get over him that very quick cause i thought my love was fading too but no. yesterday than i realized that i still love him very much. tears keep coming.thoughts never stopping. is there any cure to this sort of pain? at least a pain killer. i knew that was goin to be his decision and i was right. i din got to savour the last hug that marked the end of our relationship. i kno he still needs time but he deciedes for it. i accepted but not with the will of my heart. the last thing i had to endure, the pain of love.i know i could face him, but once i turn my back i would cry. i dont know how long anymore i could stand it. im now living in a lie, wearing a mask. pretending the happiness but deep down it trully scarred. a worse scar than before. is my love for nothing? they just fade in others heart. how i wish he'd realise it was wrong.

written on 11 january

2007-04-01T04:28:00.000-07:00

i still remembered how i struggled not to fall in love with you.telling myself it was only an infactuation.knowing you were once hers.knowing u still like her. knowing you both planned to get together.
i felt i came in between both of you.suddenly coming into your life.that was why i told you i felt guilty.it would have been better if you were to tell me earlier on that you were not prepared.if i hadn't fallen for you.
"say the truth,stay cute and handsome" that was your new year resolution and there you've said the truth finally.
it was a hurdle for you too. to try and forget her.maybe you were in too much pain to even think of the consequences you might face like now. remember when i said you were the guy who finally opened my heart again. perhaps i was wrong cause you made it shut its door to many other.
remember when you asked if i promise never to leave you? i dint dare until once at a void deck i made the promise and so did you. you promised that you will never leave me.do you even remember? but again promises are meant to be broken,so maybe that is why this happens.
i've made my promise i'll stay by your side to help you get through obstacles.
remember when you said i had a cemented spot in your heart? remember when you said you'll never let go off my hand? when you said you feel like on cloud nine and that i never fail to make you smile? were all these words meant for me?
you stop reaching out for my hand to hold them; but i reach out for yours cause i know i love you, to let you know i always do and will always be there for you.
these thoughts never leave my mind.always wondering if you really have got over her,telling myself to trust your words.always thinking if you had something kept away from me although i kno you keep alot of things from me.
finally the truth came out and my thoughts were true. it still hurts so much, even more with the fact that your heart and soul was with someody else.
to keep myself strong i told myself this:
"if you love something, set it free.if it comes back, it was and will always be yours.if it doesnt return, it was never yours to begin with"
i had big dreams for us.hoping we could go far.spending years together,streghtening every moment that pass,but its all gone. leaving me with nothing but an empty soul. i wonder how much guts it takes to say all that to me when he's got another soul in him.which is her, or were the words meant for her? do you love me at all? or was it just there for moments? who am i to you?
eventhough we've been together for only 2 months,ive had great memories with you which will always stay with me.eventhough it was a while, im grateful to be given you and thank you for everything u've given me. especially your love which i hope is sincere.do you remember all that i asked for sincerity? i hope all this while you havent been forcing yourself to love me.i kno u cant lie to yourself any longer. if you think she's the one, go ahead. i can't do anything to stop you.love is unstoppable. if u need time to think i'll understand. i kno u r a strong willed person n its coming through your mind.GO! go and get what you need.remember when u sid to me "how could i be angry with you?" now i kno how it feels. i jus cant be angry with you. jus too upset. if u kno u really want to get over her,why u still remain in contact? wouldnt that drag you into the past? shouldnt you cntct only after ure very sure its over? or u still hope for her? even though uve had me? is it her or you? i love u too much.please dun leave me but i have to reamin strong. so go if u want to. go cathc your dream girl before its too late.dont worry about me. i always tell myself i'll be fine. although deep down it hurts. how i wish this was only a joke. not a reality that i cant bear to accept.i felt cheated.miserable.the pain is so unbearable.having to accepth the fact that you loved somebody else. i lost.this is my weakness. i cnt bear to lose you. feeling that ive lost myself. i wonder how big is my cemented spot in you heart? i have to b strong, to be ther for u when u need me. i have b ther for u in whatever ur choice is. sorry that my thoughts were written cus i cldnt bring myself to tok. just dun play if ure unsure.make sure ure clear of hu u NEED but not hu u want. follow ur heart n most importantly dont lie to urself as it will only make things worst.speak the truth from ur heart and soul.the answer will come to u if u make an effort to find it.u said u really want to forget her but how? u've tried your best but ask urself,was that the best? u kno nothing is impossible. if you want to continue to try n forget the past,u kno urself better.by all means werk for it. i used to tellmyself love isfate but now i learn that it needs to be pushed. not wait fer things to fall in place. to me love is about sincerity.i felt i only have ur body but not ur heart, the real u. since the night u told me,i couldnt sleep.questions kept coming and i could no longer hold back my tears.i gto angry cos i felt selfish.angry with myself for not being able to let u go but i kno i have to.for always crying n not being ther for u when u r the one hu need me.i will try my best to avoid the awkwardness between us .i have to face reality.just remember i will always be thr for u. and that i love u.i wan u but i kno i'll never b able to have u.since the day u asked if i mind u goin out with her i kept thinking if all this while uve been goin out with her. this is how paranoid i cld get. if only i could care less, u would have been able to go out with her. just the two of u in this situation.thoughts never stop. as i walk the path we use to take alone, memories of us came to me. it hurts that im not talking to you. it hurts that we r in this situation. i kept asking myself what if u dcide to turn ur back onme. i cnt help it but feel helpless but i have to learn to lose one. adn face the music of life.i could feel ur love fading, i could feel anger raging somewher within. love is so blinding that i couldnt reach far within. so near yet so far. i try my best not to show it but i just cnt hide it. i just din kno who i am. i tried to be normal with u like we use to but hers something pulling me back. i din kno wat.i tried to rech out fer u but it felt like ure gtin furhter. i dun wan to lose u but i kno i hav to. it's hard to imagine we'd b friends again. that was what i was afraid of when we got together. afraid to lose a special friend and now a special someone.i dun wan love to destroy our beautiful frienship that we use to have. i dont think i can bear seeing you wit another girl. but who am i to stop. im jus an ordinary gurl by the name shazunah.

this piece was given to him on 10 january
(edited and shortened)

2006-11-16T02:34:00.000-08:00

she's so bored
so let's update all of you of what happened since june
major events only :)

trip to vietnam for seasa

me and aqilah
our temasekian whose now in sss

7 october
ikhwan's burfdae
celebration + iftar

stil on 7 at esplanade after buke

iftar with hml girls
fad dian kit me faj n atiqah bhind scene

best buds fer life
iftar with pri friends
nad atik shik me sha at the bek

sha n muizz drooling over lollies

hyd n me aftr iftar with pri friends

bujangs outside my house
1st syawal
house pack, no space
the reason why

2nd syawal
sis n me
all blues
blues clues! blues clues! hehe

2006-11-16T01:49:00.000-08:00

that's the retarded girl you are looking at

she's so bored today

nothing better to do

just facing the computer

after clearing her wardrobe

what happened yesterday?

after her aem at temasek poly she went to tm with dear theresa to get the cardigan she wanted but the size she wanted was out of stock. followed theresa buy shoe. then later we went to parkway .... went into topshop to get myself a shirt.

a green one caught my attention but then evrytime i went out with him i wore a green top.

lotsa green top tho green is not my fav colour. bt green jus looks nice but i decided on a white one. bought 1 size bigger tho cus my size was not in but still it fits so yeah.

then i realise today that i had more white tops than i thought i would for green ...

so that's for what happened just now.

another would be thanks to mikoe for sharing her music box. we got same taste lah dear!!! haha. my darling! real love ...

speakin of that lets move on ....

we were once strangers. we then became friends. best of friends we were but things began to change. things begin to happen. then things fall in place. that was how the story started.

but 1 thing i always keep in mind about this one ...

if you love something, set it free.

if it comes back, it was and will always be yours.

if it never returns, it was never your to begin with ...

2006-11-14T08:17:00.000-08:00

it has been long since i last blog
so here i am again
like now u see me, now u don't

went to temasek poly this morning. had my lab test and quiz.
got my light flasher working. so happy about it. just taking an advance elective module there on engineering course of electronic prototyping. just the typical life of mine. nothing that of interesting. tomorrow would be the last day. bye to all there.

so that's all for a start(:

keeping up soon with blogging i hope